That's how it would feel if you tried to love someone with your brain

It was bugging me a lot lately.

The issue of self-confidence, which has been the issue of my life, really.

Yeah, I know, I'm a happy spoiled the only child who's got everything in her life easily, so that would be the only issue.

But it was. The issue; and still is.

When I was a teenager I obviously did not love myself (who ever does?). I was feeling too different.

Sometimes I did not know what to say or where to go or how to understand a joke.

I felt like I did not know the rules everyone else knew.

Now I'm very educated (thanks to the internet and a magazines) and I think that I love myself.

I know I'm pretty and smart, fast-thinking, interesting person. I know I am able to put my thoughts on a paper, to collect them to a poetry and do it fairly well.

So yeah, I know all those things.

But I don't really believe in them with all my heart.

I keep saying to a mirror - what a beautiful face, and I look on mirror a lot (some people obviously think I'm a very narcissic girl).

I keep saying - good job, when doing something right.

But my heart doesn't believe in all those things.

That's how it would feel if you tried to love someone with your brain - it's not working.

You can say - oh, this guy is so handsome and so funny and so reliable, I want to love him.

But you won't unless your heart commands you so.

Who ever knows how's your heart is working?

It's making a random decisions and you cannot control them.

You can't love the right person. You only love who you love.

So if you don't love yourself, there wouldn't be anything but words.

But maybe if I kept saying them my heart would take pity on me and finally love me well?

I'm pretty.

I'm smart.

I'm a good, loving person.

Please, love me my heart?